Let me start by saying I am not a psychologist. I am not a psychiatrist. I am not a doctor. But... I have been a teacher for 26 years. I have been a guidance counsellor for 3 years. I was a Vice-Principal for 8 years. I have taken my Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) twice. I have worked with students and adults who are contemplating suicide.
Recently, I watched the new, popular Netflix series 13 Reasons Why. I binged watched the first 6 episodes. Why? Because I had been in a car full of students and they were discussing it. They were talking about why people should watch it. They were also discussing why people should not watch it. It was an interesting discussion between male and female students from grades 10 -12. I was moved to, intrigued to, challenged to watch the series. It took me a couple of days to watch the last half of the series. Why? Because it was hard watching.
I am not sure that I am glad I watched the all 13 episodes. There are images in my head that I can NOT get out of my head. I don't want those images in my head. And I am concerned about students who have those images in their heads.
This blog is for you... the parents... things you may want to know. And Teens - this is for you as you need to know there is help out there!!!
1. Students are watching this show and talking about it with their peers.The show - while fictional - discusses the suicide of a teenager and give the 13 reasons why she completes death by suicide.
2. This show is graphic. It is disturbing. It shows two rapes and a suicide. Graphically.
3. The school personnel in 13 Reasons Why do not respond the way they should. Teachers, Guidance Counsellors and Principals are trained to help in situations of bullying, reported assault and suicidal thoughts and disclosures. Watching the series, I cringed at all the things the adults in the school did poorly or flat out incorrectly (against best practice in these situations). Please know teachers, guidance counsellors and principals are here to help.
4. It makes the viewer feel that in her death she is able to get revenge, get sympathy and possibly get some justice - THIS IS FICTION. Suicide does not get revenge. Suicide does not bring peace and justice to the person who is dead because that person is no longer alive.
5.Talking about suicide will not cause someone to commit suicide. However, a show like this, may be seen to romanticize suicide to some impressionable youth. It may seem like a good option for difficult situations. It may NOT be a good idea for someone who is already vulnerable to watch. Watching this series may be a trigger for youth because the rational part of their brain hasn't fully developed. They don't have the same reasoning ability as adults. They may not be able to work out the fiction from the reality or the untruths of what adults can and will do from the truth of what adults can and will do to help a struggling teen.
6. Teens are watching 13 Reasons Why. So, you may want to watch it with your teenager. You may want to watch it alone first. You may want to have conversations with your child about the series, about suicide, about bullying, about rape and other things shown in the series. Just telling them NO, Don't watch it... May not prevent them from watching it at a friends.
7. There are resources available for parents - talking points for conversations with your child about this series. Contact your school guidance counsellor if you want those talking points.
8. Talk of suicide should always be taken seriously. There are many resources out there. Here are two... There are many more.
Reason To Live
9. There is information and warnings in the news for parents about the Netflix series. It may be good to watch them. Here are some links.
The National - 13 Reasons Why - Warnings for Parents
CTV News - Warnings for Parents
https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/13-things-parents-should-know-about-13-reasons-why-according-to-a-psychotherapis.html
10. There is a stabilization unit at Children's Hospital in Winnipeg if the threat of suicide is immediate. You can take your teen directly there if you are concerned for his or her safety. You can also call the Crisis Unit immediately or 911 for an ambulance. Help is available.
11. Talking with your child about suicide is not bad. It is not dangerous. Just because a student is talking about death by suicide - Does NOT mean that a teen wishes to die. If a teen is talking to you. That is a good sign. It is a sign that they want help. It's a sign they trust you. Open communication is Good. Don't ignore it. Don't sweep it under the carpet. Take it seriously. Get help.
12. There are supports for students and parents. ASK. Contact your school guidance counsellor, pastor, youth leader, doctor, Southern Health South East Mental Health Resources, Bethesda Emergency Room, Kids Health Kids Health - Information for Teens, Kids Health - Parent Informationand many, many more resources online, in Steinbach and area and in Winnipeg.
13. And Finally - For Students and Parents. Don't confuse Fiction with Reality. Don't let the Netflix series be the only source of information about suicide, bullying and the bad things in the world. (or the good for that matter). Don't let media be your only resource. Seek reliable sources. Talk to your doctor. Get Help.
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